Signed up for life
by waddiwasiwitch
Summary: Roy Mustang and Maes Hughes are celebrating Maes' last night as a unmarried man. It's not like anything could go wrong‚ right? Friendship fic with mentions of Maes/Gracia and Royai.


Written for TFLN Challenge

Prompt – "I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life."

Unfortunately‚ there's more angst here than intended. Dedicated to the misfortunes who have been reading my other FMA fic Unforgiven. I'm sorry for making you cry.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Prompt: "I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life."

**Signed up for life**

Roy Mustang never knew quite how he ended up in these situations, but it invariably involved a drunken Maes Hughes. He should have known that that a stag night before the man's wedding would end in tears. After a few drinks, Maes was well on his way toward drunkenness, being a lightweight when it came to alcohol. Maes hadn't the practice Roy had in drowning his sorrows; he had his Gracia for that. Roy had wisely insisted a bar in the sleazier part of Central, making it more difficult for them to run into people they knew or rather people Maes knew. Roy was well acquainted with the seedier side of the city after being raised by Madam Christmas. It was at Maes' insistence that it was a party of two and Roy had to wonder was his friend acting out of some sense of pity for him. To be honest‚ Roy would have been a lot happier had there been a proper party – easier to duck out early, easier to get piss drunk and avoid probing questions about his non-existent private life or even worse his melancholy state of mind. Since he'd returned from Ishbal, Maes had proposed to Gracia and settled back to the life outside was pretty easily. Roy, on the other hand, was finding it difficult to move on and fight his demons. The alcohol was helping at least…

Feeling guilty for being too self-absorbed to make sure his friend enjoyed his last night of freedom, he took a deep gulp of his drink and tried for a smile.

Roy put his arm around his friend's shoulder, "Tell me again, Maes, why didn't you let me throw a party for you? All our war buddies have been clamouring for a good knees up."

"Because, my friend, you have been far too busy since Ishbal and we need to catch up before I am whisked away by Gracia." Roy recognised that vacant green eyed stare. It always preceded a Maes speech on how perfect his soon to be wife was. "She is the most beautiful woman in the world and I am the luckiest man in the world."

Maes sighed happily. Roy had heard many times how Gracia compared to beautiful things: a rose, a summer's day and once even to the sun.

Roy rolled his eyes, "Yes – she's beautiful, Hughes."

His friend glared at him, "I know you think you're the bee's knees, but you can't have my Gracia."

"Don't worry," the alchemist drawled. "I'm not in the slightest bit interested in your girl."

Maes turned narrow eyes on him. "Why - what's wrong with her?"

"Nothing, buddy," Roy reassured him. "She's yours."

His friend seemed placated at least, but Roy knew it was going to be a long night.

Roy caught the eye of the pretty blonde bar tender and raised his glass. "Can I have a double?"

He really needed to catch up to Maes before he drove him mad. On a regular basis, his friend drove him to distraction with his advice and his fucking pictures and his fucking wonderful life. He had to admit that he was jealous his friend was able to put aside everything that happened in Ishbal and be happy. He was happy for his friend, he really was. And Gracia was an amazing woman. Just sometimes it hurt to know his friend could be with the woman that he loved when Roy could only dream about that sort of life.

The bar tender put the drink on the table in front of him and Roy gave her a flirty wink and handed her the cash. "Keep the change, sweetheart."

"What about another drink for me?" Maes whined. "You're supposed to be my best man."

"You haven't finished your last one yet," Roy pointed out.

Something distracted his friend and he watched as Maes stood up suddenly. Roy looked past his friend and spotted the friendly face of Jean Havoc. Before Roy could stop him, Maes made his way over to Havoc and his date, a buxom brunette in a fitted red dress.

"I'm getting married in the morning!" Maes' voice was loud even in the packed bar.

A cheer rang out from the patrons and Roy sighed. _Yes – must get drunk as fast as possible._

"I know," Havoc smiled and took a drag from his cigarette. "I haven't forgotten."

"Will you have a drink with us?"

"I'm here with..uh…" Jean turned helplessly towards his unimpressed date.

"Gloria," she finished for him.

Roy bit back a smile, Havoc really was terrible with women.

Reluctantly, Roy followed his friend over and saw Jean's face fall at the sight of him.

"No matter." Maes waved his hand dismissively. "Roy's buying the drinks. Perk of the wages of a state alchemist."

"He never takes us drinking," his subordinate whined.

Gloria's face had lit up at the phrase "state alchemist" and Roy smirked.

Roy bowed to her, "Pleased to make your acquaintance, Gloria. The name's Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist."

"My best friend Roy's going to change the world," Maes slapped him on the back.

"The Hero of Ishbal, right?" she gushed.

The smirk slipped from Roy's face and his body froze. He always felt uncomfortable with that title, knowing it completely misrepresented the facts as they were in Ishbal. Even drunk, Maes was tuned to his best friend's mood.

Changing the subject delicately he asked Havoc and Gloria, "What can Roy get you two?"

The alchemist plastered a smile on his face once more.

"I think I will have a whiskey," Havoc said.

"And what does the lady want?" Roy asked.

She bit her lip and batted her eyelashes, "Ooh – I don't know. How about a glass of wine to start with?"

"Let's go get those drinks, buddy." Maes punched him in the shoulder and hissed, "Stop hitting on Havoc's date?"

"I'm just flirting and she started it. It's Havoc's own fault that he can't keep a woman."

"Look who's talking," Maes said pointedly.

Roy wasn't about to admit he had a point. It wasn't as if he was really trying to steal Havoc's date, he enjoyed to flirt and it was a bonus if it could make his subordinate squirm. He looked back at Havoc, who looked miserable and Gloria was giving him the cold shoulder. Forgetting your date's name really was a no-no. She caught Roy looking in their direction and gave him a little wave.

Several glasses of the best whiskey the bar had to offer and a piece of paper with Gloria's number shoved into his jacket pocket later, Roy found the room was starting to spin a little. Roy remembered feeling relieved when Havoc and his date had finally left. For once Roy regretted being charming, the woman was a little handsy and it was starting to make him feel tense. Roy was sure if he wasn't Havoc's superior, the man would have punched him.

"I'm so happy, Roy, and I want you to be as happy as me," Maes said.

"I've asked Hawkeye to shoot me in the back if I ever get as happy as you." Roy started to laugh at his witty comment but it seemed like his friend wasn't listening.

"You need a wife," Maes declared. "Is..uh..Hawkeye single?"

Roy had been about to protest that he had decided marriage would never be on the cards for him‚ but it was lost in shock at the question his friend put to him. For some reason he didn't ike the idea of Riza being involved with someone.

"I don't know anything about Hawkeye's private life," he said acidly once he recovered.

Maes gave him a funny look, "You should take her out."

Roy smacked him about the head, "She's my subordinate, jackass."

"Oh yeah," Maes just smirked, "You didn't say you didn't like her though."

The infernal idiot waggled his eyebrows.

"Shut up!"

The response came out a little sharper than intended and Maes held out a hand in surrender.

"Gee – I'm only teasing. You must have it bad."

Roy bit his tongue and decided to ignore his friend's last comment. Knowing the best way to distract his friend, he asked, "So, how does it feel to be having your last night as a single man?"

"I'm very happy‚ the luckiest man in the world."

The look of utter bliss on his face made Roy smile‚ "How could I forget? You tell me every day‚ Maes. I don't even know how many times you've told me tonight."

Maes wrapped his arm around Roy's shoulder‚ "I tell you, Roy, I'll find you a wife and you'll be as happy as Gracia and me."

Roy laughed‚ "I've no intention of settling down anytime soon, but I've no objection if you want to help me get laid."

"You're hopeless. Where's your sense of romance? For an idealist it makes no sense."

"I've too much to do and I don't need any distractions." How could he do all he needed to do if he had a family waiting for him to return home? How could he put others in danger by being associated with him? Still‚ it would be nice.

"I want you to find a woman, who makes you remember you want to be alive," Maes said softly.

Roy starred at him, "Maes?"

The man didn't seem to notice he had said it aloud or was pretending that he hadn't. Roy decided that he didn't want to know and went to buy another round.

Roy could feel himself getting merrier by the minute. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea not to eat before they left for the evening? Somehow, the conversation had gone back to Havoc's earlier remark.

"You're such a miser. I can't believe you haven't taken out your team!"

"Maybe I should take them out?" Roy mused. "Yeah, and make it a regular bonding experience. Might be difficult to persuade Hawkeye to come though."

"I couldn't imagine that pretty Lieutenant of yours saying no to you."

A memory of a much younger Riza passed out after a half bottle of gin. He chuckled. "You know, I don't think I've ever seen Hawkeye drunk since we were kids."

_Oh shit_, he didn't mean to let that slip.

"You got her drunk?" Maes' eyebrow quirked and he sat up eagerly, almost falling off the bar stool.

"Why do you have to assume I was the bad influence?"

"I know you, buddy."

Roy crossed his arms, "It was her idea actually."

His face softened as he remembered having to carry her upstairs to her bedroom before Sensei came home.

Lost in his memories, he barely registered Maes' next question, "She's really pretty isn't she?"

"Yeah," Roy replied, before realising what he had admitted to.

His brain caught up with his mouth. His best friend would never let him live this down.

"I knew it. You love her!"

"Sssh – someone might hear you."

"I knew it!

"Shut up Maes."

"You love her," Maes whispered.

"Hawkeye is my subordinate and my friend. Nothing more. Besides, even if I was interested in her in that way, there's the matter of the fraternity uh I mean fraternisation laws."

"What's a little rule breaking to a man that's going to get the top? Who really pays attention to those laws anyway?"

"I can't afford to let some indiscretion cost my chance. If it were to come out…"

The consequences were unthinkable. They had both sworn to dedicate the rest of their lives, however short or long, to making sure something like Ishbal could never happen again.

"So you've thought about," Maes said with a triumphant grin.

Roy balled his fists. Why was he friends with the interfering bastard again?

"Hawkeye is my subordinate," he said a little stiffly.

Maes was laughing now. "You're an idiot. Everyone knows you're both in love with one another. We're just waiting for you to admit it."

"Shut up Hughes!" Roy's face was turning dangerously purple

"Everybody already thinks you're fucking her."

A red haze overtook him and the next thing he knew he had leaned across the table and punched Maes in the face, "Don't talk about her that way!"

Maes went flying backwards and landed on the floor, his glasses askew and his mouth opening and closing in his imitation of a goldfish. Reason finally caught up with Roy.

"Shit. Maes – I'm sorry."

He caught his friend by the arm and pulled him to his feet.

Maes glared at him, "The photographs." His hand went to his stinging eye. "You could have ruined my face for the wedding photographs. Gracia will never forgive me and my future kids will have to look at their father's bruised face on the day he married their mother."

And next thing Roy knew Maes' fist was coming for him.

Ten minutes later, the two drunken men were being bungled into the back of a military police car. The shock of the arrest had sobered both men up.

"I'm never drinking again." Roy banged his head against the window, "This is so embarrassing."

Maes grinned, "I think it would make a good story for the grandkids." He paused for a moment and leaned in closer. "Yours and Hawkeye's."

He knew he shouldn't react but he was in no mood for Maes' games. "Hughes, for fucks sake!"

Roy knew that his friend was never going to let him live this down now that he'd inadvertently confirmed how he felt about Riza. Maes was like a dog with a bone when he found something of interest and if there was one thing he liked better than boasting about the lovely Gracia, it was teasing his best friend.

"I'm going to have to ring Hawkeye to get us out of this, aren't I?"

"Yes – you are," Hughes said. He looked at his watch and his eyes opened wide. "Roy!"

"What?"

"I'm getting married in ten hours!"

Roy rolled his eyes. _Here, we go again._

A considerably more sober Roy and Maes sat on the bench in the small holding cell. Despite the seriousness of the situation, Maes continued to regard it as nothing more than an adventure. Roy had a terrible feeling that both of their faces would have impressive bruises in a few hours. Maes was right, Gracia was going to be upset. And he knew Riza was going to be pissed for waking her up in the middle of the night to get her come and rescue them.

The door opened and the pudgy clerk that had taken their details walked in.

Roy stood up quickly‚ "Can we go?"

"There's a lovely lady waiting in reception for you." The clerk turned around and gestured that they should follow.

Roy gave a sigh of relief and went out into the connecting corridor.

The clerk paused at the door. "She doesn't look too happy‚ I wouldn't fancy being in your shoes right now."

Roy turned to Maes‚ "I'm going to be doing paperwork for the rest of my life."

"It's funny that you should say the rest of your life."

"I swear‚ Hughes‚ not another word."

"Your missus is it?" asked the clerk.

Maes cracked a huge smile as Roy's teeth grinded.

"Something like that but not quite."

"For the last time‚ she's my subordinate

"Oh it's like that is it?" The clerk winked‚ "I hear you - Mum's the word."

Roy just gave up. "Think what you want. Everyone does apparently."

The clerk finally opened the door and Roy spotted his fuming subordinate. He wondered briefly if he should just run back to the cell looking at Riza's stony expression.

"Well sir?" She crossed her arms and glared at him.

"Hello, Lieutenant." Roy winced at how meek his voice sounded. "Thanks for coming."

The three men waked into the room and the clerk left them to return to his desk.

"I should have just left you here‚" she said.

"You wouldn't have‚" he said confidently. "Not when Maes is getting married in the morning."

"Don't worry, I said nothing about leaving him."

"Ha, ha – you're hilarious."

He met her gaze properly for the first time since he walked in and she gasped, "Oh sir, your face?"

He put his hand to his face, "Is it that bad?"

"You'll be disfigured for life," she deadpanned. "Now, tell me how the hell you got into this situation."

Roy felt his ire rising. She was his subordinate for goodness sake. "Later, Lieutenant."

She stiffened, "I think I've a right to know why I have been dragged out of bed at this hour."

"That's an order." He sighed, "Sorry Lieutenant, I promise I'll tell you about it later, but right now I need to get back to the hotel and get some sleep."

"Apology accepted," she said stiffly.

"Lieutenant?" Maes asked.

"Yes!" she barked.

Maes flinched, "My face, tell me how bad it is?"

"You have a black eye too, sir."

"This is all your fault," he hissed at Roy.

Roy bumped his shoulder, "No, it's your fault."

"You can wear some concealer and foundation and Gracia will be none the wiser," Hawkeye suggested.

"I'm not wearing make-up," Roy protested.

"Suits yourself, sir. But just you remember that I'm off duty this weekend and if the new Mrs Hughes decides to kill you, then I won't be able to protect you."

"I've no problem putting on a bit of makeup to make my Gracia happy," Maes said. "I could just kiss you. If wasn't so madly in love with Gracia, that is."

Roy gritted his teeth knowing his friend was trying to provoke him. Hawkeye's cheeks went a little red at the compliment.

"Come on‚ letʼs go and sort out your faces before they get any worse."

Maes hurried on ahead eager to get some fresh air and Roy matched pace with Riza.

"Thank you for coming."

"I knew what I was signing up for when I agreed to follow you, sir."

"With respect, I don't think that you did."

"You couldn't be more wrong‚ Roy‚" she said firmly. "I signed up for life."

_For better or worse. Till death do us part._

The end.


End file.
